What if a kid is scared?
By Kathy Gordon
Jolly
Molly the Clown
Be
Kind
If your child is afraid of clowns or costumed characters, don't
be overly concerned. His reaction may be just a "knee jerk
reaction", and he will quickly calm down. Much depends on
how tired he is, what else has happened all day long, or his general
state of health. There is no reason for him to instantly love
everyone he meets, and this is true of costumed figures as well.
What scares him at age two will probably not scare him at three,
unless . . . .
You play into it. Feed it and it grows, remember? Generally speaking,
children don't remember what they actually did or felt. They just
remember what we tell them they did. We frame their memories with
our words.
Replace the words "scared" or "terrified"
with "surprised." Keep a relaxed facial expression.
Never elaborate or reenact the story of "how terrified he
was" in front of him to others. It may be funny to you, but
a child can be deeply humiliated to think you are making fun of
him. Let the child tell you what happened as often as he would
like. After a child tells the story a few times the memory fades
and the fear diminishes.
Don't anticipate that the next time your child will feel the same
way. Children grow and their tastes change. They might not eat
carrots today and love them tomorrow. If you tell everyone that
your child "just won't eat carrots", he will hear you
and internalize that for himself. Then he definitely won't eat
carrots! The same is true in other situations.
Stay Calm
Don't anticipate a bad reaction. Don't try to shelter a child
by grabbing or quickly yanking him away when you see a clown or
costumed character approaching. That only transmits that something
is really wrong. Respect your child's reaction, keep your distance,
and remain calm. Be gracious to the performer, who is, after all,
no real threat to you or your child.
Give Him Time
Stay back and let your child watch from a safe distance. Don't
take him into another room or around the corner. Give him an opportunity
to assess a situation or new person for himself. After many years
as a clown I have seen that some mothers "hover" and
some mothers are not even around. Either way, the kids manage
to grow up and survive. I think the key is to foster independence
by allowing the child to experience life for himself (with a little
backup from mom when needed). And don't forget to praise him when
he does well. It's OK to say, "Wow! You were really BRAVE
to meet the clown!" or "I was so proud of the PATIENT
way you waited for your balloon!"
Welcome the Opportunity
When you child is calm, discuss the fact that all people are unique
and special. Talk about differences between races, or height or
weight, or about people with disabilities, or different languages.
Teach him to be kind. Your conversation doesn't have to be more
than a minute or two depending on the child's age.
Create a dress up box for your child so he/she can learn the joy
of pretending. A couple of hats, some scarves, or other costumes
are great for a rainy day. Or have a costume party and invite
the neighbor kids.
Protect Your Child Where it Counts - At Home
Scary movies like "It" are NEVER OK for young children.
They don't need to watch that kind of "entertainment"
even if you are with them. Contrary to what some "media experts"
want us to believe, children (and even some adults) DO NOT know
what is" real" and what is "not real".
Please monitor your child’s TV time, and whenever possible,
watch quality programs together and in limited amounts. Use programs
as an opportunity to teach values and to share conversations.
If important questions come up, turn off the TV and discuss them
right then. The child in your arms is "real". The TV
program is never as important or as valuable as time with you.
